Defense Mechanisms

Years ago I learned that people resort to a number of strategies to “defend” themselves from findings they do not want to hear.  This phenomenon is especially true when the findings are “hot” or extremely threatening.   As a consultant, I encountered this issue often when I had to present findings to clients that were negative, unflattering, and contrary to preconceived notions. 

Experience has taught me that hot data is akin to a hot potato.  Nobody wants to handle it, preferring to flip it to someone else, or just to let it plop to the ground.   Soon I learned that it was a waste of time as well as a risky undertaking to present controversial (hot) findings to an audience unwilling to hear it, let alone act on it.   My late friend and colleague Pat Williams, a highly respected professor and consultant, mentored me through this conundrum.

If your data were hot, he would say, you must cool them down so that people do not burn their proverbial hands.  Conversely, if the data were cold, you need to warm them up to prevent boring your audience.  How to accomplish this is a subject for another time, and perhaps another blog.   This advice and the skill set to carry it out served me well throughout my long career as a consultant and executive. 

The recent Mid-Term Elections reminded me that this notion of defensiveness is very much in play in politics as well.  

I love watching, listening, and observing the post election behavior of both winners and losers.  They give us critical incidents from which we can draw important teaching moments. 

Observing Winners

There is little that we can learn from the speeches that winners make.  They are in a celebratory mood and they want to show us how magnanimous they are in victory.  They say flattering things about their opponent, whom the day before they vilified as either incompetent, crooked, in the pockets of special interests, extremist, mean spirited, or dirty tricks artist.  They say things that they know people want to hear.  They tell jokes, thank everyone, raise their fingers in victory, and try to project their affable side.

Observing Losers

That is another story.  Their behavior is uncommonly defensive.  For some, so much so that they employ all the defense mechanisms that group dynamics theory teaches us.

Let me share some examples of those behaviors that illustrate the degree and type of defensiveness I saw.  I have seen it after other elections.  

1.    Attack the data.   If losers do not like the election results, then they minimize their validity.  Some losers did just that by pointing out that it reflected the vote of only 1/3 of the electorate, and that 2/3 had not voted this session.  Meaning?  The data do not really reflect how the electorate feels about the issues.  Never mind that not voting is also a vote, in the sense that people show their displeasure by withholding it or by throwing it away.  This defense mechanism is intended to impeach the hard fact that the election was lost.

2.    Attack the opponent.  If losers cannot accept losing to particular adversaries, by all means, they attack their unethical campaign.  They will point out that some unscrupulous billionaire bankrolled them, that they resorted to mud slinging and distortions, that they had made egregious gaffes, or that they had unfair advantages.  Never mind that the losers engaged in the same scandalous behaviors for which they now accuse their opponents.  This defense mechanism is intended to impeach the worthiness of the victor.

3.    Rationalize the results.  If losers find the results unappetizing, they will enumerate all the reasons why the deck was stocked to begin with, that they did not have a chance to win, anyway, and that it was what to be expected from a particular State (blue, red or purple).  In other words, the loss was outside a person or party’s control.   They turn to pundits and so-called political strategists to wrap logic around it by  impeaching the election process.

4.    Feel sorry for yourself.  Losers often minimize the importance of the loss.  They spin it in a way that moves fault elsewhere.  They promise to learn from it and to not repeat the same mistakes, that they will get them next time, and that all is not lost.  They say that misery loves company, and sure enough many will join the circle to share tears about an unfair world.  This defense mechanism serves the need to be consoled and to feel loved and appreciated.

5.    Slicing and dicing the results.   This is a usual strategy to find the culprit.  Who is to be blamed for the vote?  Here losers will point out that one group or another is responsible.  The usual suspects? Old versus young.  Women versus men.  Black or brown versus white.  Urban versus suburban or rural.  Red versus blue or purple.  Gay versus straight.  Rich versus poor. And so on.  This mechanism isolates the usual suspects to whom one can attach blame.

People of all different political persuasions use defense mechanisms.  They illustrate that the stakes are high and our ego so fragile that we are unwilling to admit our mistakes, incapable to accept responsibility, and unable to move rapidly toward the problem solving phase.

Your thoughts? 

Making sense of troubling events

We are bombarded daily with news about wars, protests, mass migration, growing inequality, economic dislocations, poverty, epidemics, climate change, sectarianism, and so on.  Things seem to get worse in front of our eyes, before they get better.  What is going on? 

I am in particular befuddled by the surge in sectarian violence.  We are in the 21^st century yet it feels like we are reverting to the Dark Ages when religious fervor trumped reason and respect for others’ beliefs. 

A little theory …

Some time ago, Clare Graves, a noted social scientist, taught us that people rise through seven levels of existence.  At the very bottom, he posited you would find those who are in a reactive stage (children, the elderly, the disabled), people who need others to take care of them because unable to do so on their own. 

On the next rung, you will find those who live in a tribalistic condition where their survival depends on the immediate and extended family unit. Loyalty to the tribe is a requirement for one’s security and well being. 

The third level is occupied by people Graves called ego-centric, a level populated by individuals who focus on their personal needs and go about trying to meet them.  Egocentrics are known for their vociferous and confrontational argument, demanding a better deal.

Conservatives occupy the next level, folks who are focused on maintaining and protecting what they have been able to achieve.   Nixon rightly referred to them as the silent voting majority.  They want to keep the lid on; they abhor violence and challenge to the status quo. 

A few escape to the next level that Graves called manipulative.  This group uses its cleverness, drive, and ambition to achieve greater power and control.  Many try to get in, but few actually make it to this level. 

Once the manipulative achieve their objectives and accumulate a satisfactory level of resources and power, a small portion advances to the sixth level that Graves calls socio-centric – a level where the focus shifts toward doing good, helping others, sharing the wealth.  Folks who manage to graduate to this level establish most, if not all, philanthropic foundations.   Monastic folks occupy this space, they manage to skip several layers.

It is rare, but possible to navigate to the ultimate level that Graves calls the existential level where the focus is on an exemplary and balanced life.  I would like to add that very few occupy this rung.  And once you get there, it does not mean that you will be able to stay.  Changes in circumstances push us down to the level commensurate with the threat we face.  This pancaking effect is often sudden and unexpected. 

So goes the theory … now the practice. 

Famines, wars, pestilence, and colonial practices work to pancake some people to the tribal level.  During this retreat, ideologies thrive on resentments, xenophobia, and religious divisions.  All that we have achieved as a civilized world gets wiped out and re-written under narrow interpretations or misinterpretations of religious scriptures.

I have worked and lived in the Middle East.  My observations have been that the seeds for sectarian warfare were planted long time ago by colonial powers, when they decided to create arbitrary borders, when they amalgamated distinct groups into artificial countries, and where their “divide and conquer” foreign policies laid ground to an enormous amount of unfinished sectarian business.  

Most people flocking to join ISL from the West, in my view, are disaffected young people.  Those coming from the region are mostly radicalized young people. Folks who see a limited future in front of them: few job prospects, limited educational opportunities, dislocated and/or orphaned by wars, wounded by discrimination, and with other grievances.  They are folks trapped between the tribalistic and egocentric worlds, desperate to get out and willing to take matters into their own hands to create what they perceive a more just utopia.  They will resort to outrageous deeds to gain notoriety and publicity. They are the disenchanted and they can be found in every continent, in every country, and in every ethnic and religious group.  Witness the many demonstrations in the West against the "system", a system perceived to be stacked against them. 

Long term, bombs and economic quarantines will not defeat them.  They will continue to bleed us while the root cause of their struggle goes unresolved, and not before their grievances are addressed, and not until we lift the conditions that fuel their resentment. 

This is my view!  What is yours?

Ramblings on slurs and slicing and dicing ...

Ethnic slurs are hurtful.  They are driven by the intense dislike of foreigners, their customs, their values, and their heritage.  They are typically hurled against new comers, although they linger on for years.  Unbeknownst to most, they contribute to resentments, and occasionally to the desire for getting even.

As a young immigrant myself, I discovered terms used to describe my nationality that I had not heard before in my native land.  People would call me dago, DP, wetback, guinea, Banana Boat, and wop.  I had no idea what the terms meant or what they were intended to communicate.  The only thing I knew was that those saying them would laugh and smirk when saying them.  I soon realized that slurs were common in a not-so-polically-correct America, not just for Italians, but for all ethnic or racial groups.  I also discovered that Italo-Americans had also adopted code slurs against other ethic groups: milinciana (eggplant), for example was used to describe Blacks in a pejorative way, related to their color.  I had never heard this term used in my native land.  I found it to be despicable.

As a teenager, I tried to understand their meaning or the history behind.  Some were more obvious than others.  For example DP stood for displaced person, a term applied to refugees.  Since I was not a refugee, I assumed the person did not know that both of my grandfathers had come to America 50 years earlier.  Wetback meant you swam your way across the Rio Grande to reach America, that is why your back was wet.  Since I am not Mexican, I thought that the speaker was ignorant and poorly educated, and that he did not know that Italy is not on the other side of the Rio Grande.  Dago and Guinea I could never get a consistent definition, so I assumed, in the latter case, that the person saw me as a laboratory animal.  Banana Boat was a slur for those sneaking in on board ships bringing bananas to the US from Central and South America.  Since Italy does not grow bananas, again I assumed that the person was an idiot, illiterate in geography. Wop was an interesting one.  It meant without papers, you know, people who used to jump ship or enter the country illegally.  Since I had papers, I felt that the person saying it was a total ignoramus. 

I must admit right here and now that I resented all these slurs.  I saw them as demeaning and intended to intimidate me, to make me feel inferior or defective for who I was or because of where I came from.  I used that resentment to motivate myself to out perform those idiots at all levels, academically, professionally, financially, etc.

Fast Forward ....

I find it curious that our Latino brothers and sisters prefer to be called WOPs rather than illegal, claiming no person is illegal.  I agree with their rationale.  But wait a minute, wop is our slur, not yours, you cannot willy-nilly take it from us.  What was a pejorative descriptor is now an in-word.  How times have changed!

The mania to dice and slice Americans is a divisive strategy, in my view.  I wonder if it is not a “civilized” way of setting people apart.  I wonder if it is not a way to dress up the slurs of yesteryear.  I do not wonder, I am convinced that it is a tactic to manipulate us, to set one group against the other, to divide us and conquer us. Be it disguised as market research, political analysis, or what have you.

The Melting Pot

When I came to this country, I was told that America is a melting pot, that I should learn English and become an American, that although my origins were elsewhere, I too could become American.   

I understand the scientific reasons for analyzing sub-groups, but I lament the negative consequences from such analysis. 

We are dissected in so many ways that the totality of our humanity gets often obscured.  We have age, gender, race, religion, locality, ethnicity, marital status, job level, clubs, income, health, home ownership, credit card holder, political affiliation, etc.   We have all become hyphenated Americans. 

I do not like some hyphenations!  I often refer to myself as an Italo-American or Siculo-American.  However, my DNA examination revealed that I do NOT have any Italian markers, and that my ancestors were primarily from the Iberian Peninsula and the Aegean region e.g., Asia Minor.  So what am I?  Like many others, a product of a potpourri of groups that invaded and settled in Sicily, my native land. 

How about you?  What do you wonder?

The Horrific Gaza Spectacle on TV ...

The daily updates on the war in Gaza between Hamas and the Israeli Defense Forces have shown the savagery of war, the cruelty of the human being, and the powerlessness of our world leaders to resolve the inherent issues driving this on-going conflict.  Is there a permanent solution in sight?  The skeptics, who are in the majority, say no; the optimists say maybe. 

A few data points …

There are 1.8 million Palestinians living in squalor in the Strip.  The population density is the highest in the world.  Sixty percent of the population is comprised of minors, who did not vote in the latest election, by the way.  Inhabitants of Gaza live in abject poverty, walled in, and separated from the rest of the world. Vital supplies cannot enter the territory because Israel and Egypt have pretty much closed the surrounding borders.  Desperate people will do desperate things to survive.  Gaza is the perfect breeding ground for radicalism!

In the entire world there are 500 million people affected by violence; 200 million of which are minors living in poverty. The cost of violence has been estimated at $ 9.8 trillion per year – far more than the GNP of most countries.  47 countries possess shoulder-fired missiles capable of bringing down airplanes.  A real cauldron for suffering human beings!

About 2,000 Palestinians have died during this latest confrontation, mostly civilians including many children.  On the Israeli side, more than 60 soldiers and 3 civilians have also died defending their population from the indiscriminate firing of rockets by Hamas.  30% of the Gaza’s inhabitants have been displaced by the latest war. 

The roots of the problem …

The United Nations, to house Jewish refugees, victims of the WWII holocaust, in a territory they could control and call their home, created Israel after WWII.  Palestinians had lived in the territory for centuries.  As a result, they were uprooted and pushed out of their own homes, farms, and businesses.  They had no say in all this.  They were victims of a well intentioned, but myopic, international policy by the major powers.  The seeds of strife were planted by this policy.   Millions of Palestinians became refugees overnight … most, if not all, after 67 years, are still stuck in refugee camps in Lebanon, Jordan, and other Arab countries.  Their diaspora mirrors that of the Jews, following the destruction of the Jerusalem temple by the Romans almost 2,000 years ago.

The Arab nation rallied and tried to recover the lost territory, but not only they failed to do so, they also lost additional territory such as the West Bank and the Sinai Peninsula (ceded back to Egypt later).  Three wars and many incursions later have proved the military superiority of the Israelis, who with American assistance have created one of the best-equipped and trained defense forces in the world.  The US gives Israel, each year, military and economic assistance to the tune of about 15,000 dollars per Israeli.  Israel has annexed strategic territory after each victory.  The Palestinians in the West Bank now live under Israeli occupation.  Israel continues to build settlements in the West Bank as well as expanding its presence in East Jerusalem, a historical Muslim part of the celebrated city, to establish new “facts” on the ground, prior to an eventual political settlement. 

No justice, no peace …

There is no doubt in many people’s mind, including my own, that Palestinians have been wronged.  There is also no doubt in any people’s mind, including my own, that Jews need a land they can call they own.  So the challenge for both parties is to arrive at a solution that is just and lasting. 

How to do so?  Principally, Israelis must remove the settlements in the West Bank, free the West Bank, and allow free passage in and out of Gaza.  Principally, Palestinians must recognize Israel’s right to exist and to stop all terrorist attacks on the civilian population of Israel.  Gaza needs to be a demilitarized zone and must stop being a base for launching attacks on Israel.  Israel must return to the Palestinians their share of the water flowing through the regional rivers crossing their territories.  Israel must return to their legitimate owners property that has been confiscated or pay fair compensation.  Jerusalem must be a city open to the three main religions, a place where anyone can worship freely in peace.  I see no reasons why it should not be the capital of a free Palestinian state.

America must launch a Marshall Plan ear-marked for the economic and infrastructure development of the newly established Palestinian state.  Other rich Arab nations surely will jump in and land an economic hand as well.  Economic development will lift the standard of living of the Palestinians and offer opportunities to the young.

Christians have pretty much remained in the balcony, watching this odyssey evolve under their eyes.  John Meacham, a Time magazine reporter, when defining Christianity said: Central tenet as it has come down to us is that we are to reach out when our instinct is to pull inward, to give when we want to take, to love when we are inclined to hate, to include when we are temped to exclude. 

Invaluable message we want to share with our Israeli and Palestinian brothers and sisters, as they approach future negotiations for peace and tranquility in the Holy Land.  I have carried this message of hope from Meacham in my IPhone for the past two years, and I will keep it there for years to come so that I do not forget what it means to be a Christian.

In conclusion …

John Lennon in his hit song Imagine spoke of a world at peace. He sang that “… people think I am a dreamer, but I am not the only one …”  I too am a dreamer, and I believe I am not the only one as well.

I have lived and worked in the Middle East.  I have come to see the Arabs as my brothers and sisters.  I have enjoyed their hospitality, culture, generosity, and affection, for which I am grateful and give thanks.  I have witnessed, first hand, a proud people with rich traditions, strong bonds, and high aspirations.  I have come to love and respect them.

I have also been to Israel.  I have felt the unique energy of the blessed city we all call Jerusalem.  I have been at the Jewish sacred sites.  I have prayed there for peace and reconciliation.  I visited the Holocaust museum.  There I was impacted by a framed-letter written by a 14-year-old Polish Jew by the name of Thaddeusz, who was later killed by the Nazis in a concentration camp.  In it, Thaddeusz wrote about what he wanted to do when he grew up.  I broke down and cried after reading his letter.   What Thaddeusz wanted to do when he grew up was exactly what I dreamed of doing when I grew up.  I realized my dreams, and he did not.  Why? Simply, he did not because he was a Jew.  Thaddeusz has been my companion ever since.  I think of him often and imagine how his life would have turned out if he were not hated as a Jew.  

A good friend reminded me, after he saw this posting, that there are 400 Thaddeusz in the Gaza Strip as a result of the recent warfare.  

It is time to bring peace to the Holy Land! No more killings!